I feel for Scheherazade, the pressure is intense.

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emotions, inspiration, love, One Thousand and One Nights, Scheherazade, words for thought

One Thousand and One Nights – Scheherazade

“Maybe there’s something else we can do tonight. There’s a story I like to tell you. Perhaps I identify with Scheherazade after all. This one is different though, and it’s never been told before. Not another mystery, but a horror story turned romance.” He pulled the blanket closer to me, and wrapped his arms around me. “Close your eyes, my love.”

I sighed, but just a look at him was enough to melt away any resistance on my part. His eyes were pinpoints of liquid sunshine on melted butter. I had never seen anything so beautiful as his eyes right now. His impossibly gentle embrace calmed me, and I was happy to lie next to him and listen to the music that the deep notes of his voice created. I would listen to whatever he had to say. I took one more look at his face, and then closed my eyes as I nestled my head into his chest. “Okay.”

“Before I met you, I was a monster in the shell of a man.” This was an unexpected start and I opened my eyes to look at him. He stroked my cheek.

“Shh, love. Let me tell the story.”

I hated when he spoke of himself in such disparaging terms. But one look at his pleading eyes and I gave in, settling my head against his chest again.

“My decision to abstain from murder was a clinical one, one that could be reasoned to be just and right. But justice was only a word. Beauty was a word too, melody was a sound, and harmony was its mathematical inverse. Everything was gray and meaningless without my love for you. When I first met you, you made me confront the monster that I was. I was walking in the cloak of a civility, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, that had begun believing rather naively that I was the sheep. You stripped me and made me realize that the monster was always there.”

“You may be human and a bit accident prone my dear, but you were the only person that could vanquish that monster within me. In nearly one hundred years you were the only thing that was able to really change me. My love for you turned beauty into something I could feel and turned music into song. It gave not only a reason, but a purpose to every choice and every decision I made. It took me from observer of this world to participant; someone that wanted to change things so they would be better, for you. I felt happiness, I saw beauty, and I heard music for the first time.”

“The longer I am by your side, the more my dear has been uncovered. At first I didn’t believe it was there. But then there was an ache, and little by little you brought it out, uncovered more of my human heart. When you came back to me after I left you, I was made whole. When you agreed to be my wife I was better, complete. Tonight my dear, my heart has been laid bare. There is nothing between my heart and your hand.” And with that he laid my hand on his chest, and held it there in a tight embrace.

“So you see, when you say you have nothing to give me, your words are absurd. You have given me more than I could ever hope for. You made a monster into more of a man. Anything I could give to you is nightmare and shadow in comparison.”

He had been whispering in my ear, his breath tickling the hair along my neckline. I realized my eyes were wet, and I turned to gaze at him. His eyes were gentle and soft, still burning with golden sparks of light.

“Our story may be the best story that has ever been told” He lowered his head to mine and kissed my lips lightly. “Now it’s time for sleep, my love.”

But I shook my head, struggling to tell him what that meant to me. I wanted to convey the love I felt for him right now. I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn’t find the words to start.

“Shh,” he put his fingers to my lips. “It’s okay. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything darling, for me to know your heart. Everything I need to hear I can see in your face.” He paused as he peered deeply into my eyes and I was surprised at how calmly I was able to look right back at him. My home, my forever. He sighed. I didn’t think his look could get any more open, any more penetrating, but it did. Finally my heart came back to life and fluttered.

“It’s done. I can believe now. Rest knowing that you have brought peace to a monster’s heart forever.”

Arabian Nights, Prelude.

What’s Now and What’s Next?

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BRATs workshop, friends, friendship, future plans, high school, inspiration, life, memories, words for thought

How are all of you doing lately? While most of my fellow friends are busy engaging their hectic lives with college and assignments, I mostly stayed home with a free-and-easy schedule. Well, I’m not even sure if I should address that as a schedule anyway. Honestly, my stereotype routine is nothing seriously interesting. So here is a piece of news I want to update you all about. Today I received an email from Star Publications congratulating and telling me that I’m accepted and invited to BRATs 2012 workshop. Finally, I thought! It has been several days since I sent in my application judging that I was one of the early-birds to have done so. Well, I’m certainly pleased and proud that they have found my essay interesting enough and up the mark to have given me the green pass to participate in this journalism workshop. I have chosen the one that is going to take place in Kuala Selangor on the 14-17th of March simply because the Kuala Terengganu and Johor workshops are going to clash with my college days later. We will be staying at Chateau @ Kuala Lumpur in Rawang and what an irony this is as it totally brings back the feeling that I’m going back to my old home because the place has been where I lived for almost 10 years ago until 2006. Hence, it is not a surprise I couldn’t be more excited to go!

Things that I have accomplished so far this week that I’m satisfied with are thoroughly cleaning up every corner of my room and my wardrobe which took 2 days to be completed. It could look simple but I can assure you it was hell of a time-consuming job plus I’m now suffering from terrible back and nerve aches resulting from it. I’ve dumped away unwanted items which consisted of 2 huge garbage bags and piled up a large bag of clothing to be donated to the temple. And so now I can gladly say that my room welcomes you in!

In the midst of doing so, my mind finally noted that I received the most things that are worth a memory from Amanda. I mean of course I still keep all the precious stuffs that I’ve received from my friends ever since primary school days. It feels amazing to open up my “treasure box” whenever I received anything that deserves to be kept in it. But Amanda tends to be like me and we pretty much handmade anything if we could. Handmade paper bags, gift-wrapping paper full with handwritten quotes, Christmas and birthday cards which are all artsy-crafty, just to name a few. I still keep the chocolate chip cookies recipe which she wrote for me (sorry I can’t find the lemon pie one though!) and even the homework notes while she was absent in school. Come to think of it I definitely did return the effort as well. At least I remembered I folded several stars and filled them up in a pretty love-shape glass bottle which I spent some time hunting for. Oh, and that hand-made photo frame and photo of us both taken at the Taman Herba back in high school. Uh, I don’t need to mention the number of cards I did which I lost count because honestly I didn’t make an attempt to record how many I’ve given out.

And this is something to look back and laugh about: she is the very first buddy that shared the whole Twilight world and its fandom with me. Bear in mind it was the books that we were first hooked into, not the movies. I won’t forget she got for me the original soundtrack that she wrapped them up with ribbon and messages. God, I still remembered how excited I was back then once I got home from school I dashed up to my room to tear the wrapper to reveal the CD. How we would look out for any new merchandise when we both hit the malls back then and report anything we saw. Hey, I got her Rob’s biography book! It was one whirlwind and desperation I could now look back and smile. I’m sure I missed out listing a couple of things because they’re many more which I can’t quite put my fingers on at this time. Sadly, she’s no more into this fandom but I must say I’m forever still the loyal fan and I’m proud of that! It was really a full swing and memorable year of 2009 with her.

Back to the present. While time is in my hands I often drift off and ponder on what my life will be like in the future. Everybody out there wants to be successful. Right now they are so many hopes and achievements I want to accomplish. I feel like I’m still living in a nutshell and that’s quite true. I mean, I’m not even out there in the real world yet! It seems like dreams have turned into reality for some people but at the same time they are even more people that are still lost. I just hope whatever it is I won’t disappoint myself. The future sure is bright. How about the worst? What if out of nowhere, tragedy strikes? There are things that we certainly couldn’t foresee and I fear that. Accidents happening to yourself and loved ones. You may be perfectly fit and fine today but the next day would be the polar opposite. What if then the most basic things like moving and walking appear as a dilemma? That is too much to contemplate and to take in. Suddenly, the world and your visions would definitely be upside down. I’ve read some inspiring and touching blogs out there revealing their personal stories and how hard life has once been for them and couldn’t help but reflect and be in their shoes.

But.

One thing for sure is that no matter how hard life may seem, one should never ever give up hope because everybody deserves a chance and a shot to live a beautiful life. It is really important to have faith in oneself. Follow your heart. Just do what you love and believe in it, and it will come naturally. However impossible it seems, reach out to the other party and feel for them. Sometimes we even need the good ones to make the bad ones see the good in them. I think to have succeed is to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world better, to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

Well, my sister is mad at me because she wants the laptop to watch her favorite scenes to go to sleep so I have to hand it over to her. Until then, I will write again soon.

Emotions Are Slaves to Your Thoughts

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emotions, friendship, inspiration, life, words for thought, writing

She finds comfort in reading. She seeks solace in writing. And at times when she would let herself think, over-thinking seems to cause her to be somewhat mentally drained. But at the same time she did not impede from questioning herself what really are the predicaments or worse still if she creates her own. Is she having an epiphany? It sounds ridiculous she doesn’t see herself clearly. Or maybe she does but she just blindly craved the need to feel convinced time and time again and it seems like that is when she became the slave to her emotions. When she tried to reason with herself she knew that she should be contented with what she has because they are just millions out there that couldn’t care less but here is she becoming a martyr. A dog worrying a bone. The thing is that neither an affluent man is placated with all he has.

She firmly believes that the world holds so much beauty which she yearns to explore. Peace and pure bliss in life need not stem from luxury and all materialism. Instead the heart needs to be filled up with the simplest things one can ever imagine but yet find difficulty to reach out to that bottom. She needs someone to see through her and be the mirror of it, to impart in ways she did not thought possible nonetheless hold on dearly to that miraculous belief. She would then not be afraid to perish – tomorrow, anytime – but knowing that her heart had swell and burst ardently because she finally could say that she had it even though no one ever grasp her.

She doesn’t picture solitude even if she is miles away all by herself knowing that she already clasped that silver lining at the end of the cloud. She just faces all these insecurities because she is too much of a coward to be disappointed by anyone or anything. She fears that that completeness will not live up to what she desires. She had fall and got back up on her knees knowing that she would live through it with sufficient ease. And that is when it suddenly turned around and gave her another one touch that made her world blaze and infatuate, at the same time tumble and succumb into an unwelcome pit she doesn’t wish to revisit. Because subconsciously she knew that it gave her commitment, moreover lifted up her hopes once again she just could not stand to endure the haze that threatens to lambaste her crux consequently.

She knows this is thwarting people surround her with chagrin she thought was fair enough to be ridiculed. But that’s just her, and she berate the inner voice that never ceases with rebuke. To be alive she needs to embrace it – pain tangle with joy – in order to keep the creature inside intact, to sample what life has to offer in all departments while life has more than a small taste of something sweet at the end. She hopes that whatever she did – as insignificant as it seems – conveys its mean figuratively. Not necessarily saying anything but being together, just drinking in the comfort of having each other’s presence in silence during little moments is something to cherish.

This, she gave her all the tenacity and something to fight for… She would be anything, do anything. She only wishes that they are both capable of being equals. That at the end of the day she could be the one to close the open-window she firstly embarked for her. Having enough said and done, it is only up to the ultimatum to find out. She is sure that it will all be as worthy as her.

Memoirs of 2011

Tags

friends, high school, life, memories, words for thought

Now that the year 2011 has passed, it is time for me to reflect what I have been through last year as far as I could envisage. Time, as they say, is like a giant wheel that never ceases to grind. We have been living everyday almost thoughtlessly so far but there must be at least something significant that we consciously or unconsciously bear in mind, something we wake up to, something that we strive to cling on to, something that once lost and relinquished seems insatiable…  That motivation force behind everything. Yes, life is somehow feckless, void, nugatory without companion and love. We simply cannot afford to disparage anyone or anything at all as long as we encounter it, even if it breezed past us like the wind caressing us or like a clear night untouched by even the dream of a storm, but it does have its cause and effect despite sometimes merely realizing. The point is that we should be obliged to everyone in and out of our lives. And if you know who are the special ones that makes your life all the more worthy and consequential, acknowledge him or her, appreciate them for sharing bits and pieces of their lives with you, express your gratitude towards them once in a while, cherish and never let them go. Because no matter how far life brings us to, they take up and remain a part in our hearts.

The year 2011 was not really interesting in the sense that it was neither a turning point nor distinctive for me. Also it was not woeful, just that it has been a turbulence for my emotions. I realize that I did not blog much last year. Mostly I remembered being so close to the tennis game for the first half of the year and then the next six months I almost did not follow up closely and speaking of it now it has been more than half a year since I last trained but I guess that is okay. And then there is a matter of friendship of course, in fact it consists of most of the part, I dare say. There had been a lot of laughter but it definitely did came with tears as well. Well, what have I been through and grasped? To sum it up in short I shall say that this is the one thing I still keep and remember: “Friends definitely comes above ego, especially when you have such good friends.” Over here, I would like to say thank you to everyone of you who have been there for me, and you definitely mean a lot to me. Needless to say, I am scared-stiff and petrify to picture my life without a dear friend I have known for four years who is currently now at National Service. She has almost been the reason to everything to me and still is. Well, I may sound exaggerating but I swear that I am a hundred percent serious about it. At least that is how it is for me. I have already said so much so I don’t think I need to go into details here anymore. And then there is also this girl by the name of Hoo Xinyi – thank you so much for being there for me during the hard and cold days, for seeing me through and most importantly for taking heart to care for me. You too should already know how much I appreciate what you did but this serves as a little reminder. Thanks for the letters and calls, the comfort of knowing that someone is always there for me. I am fortunate to have them and everyone else in my life. You know, I always prefer being inconspicuous in everything.

So here are a few highlighted events that happened in my 2011. I posted the pictures up according to chronology. I hope you will not find it too dull reading them…

• 1 January 2011 – Sister’s 14th birthday and also celebrated New Year with my family over at aunt’s place.

• 26 January – Traveled to Kerala in Southern India for a week with my uncle. Visited Cochin and Allepey.

• 26 February 2011 – Vivian’s sweet sixteen at Silver Spoon with Mei-Xuan, Xinyi and Natalie. Definitely a night remembered.

• 17 April 2011 – A day remembered to all Robsten fans out there in this world. Relive the moment. It’s the day where our doubts were gone.

• 2 May 2011 – Kiru’s seventeenth birthday at her house. Had loads of fun with my friends and also classmates.

• 7 June 2011 – I call it the Golden Popcorn Day. It’s the first time making popcorn for this little kitten here. Too much laughable memories on that day. Otherwise known as the ‘Red Bean Day’ too. Also watched MTV Movie Awards while sampling our snack. And look, she made a GIF for me.

• 4 November 2011 – High school graduation. Momentous day. I will always remember my school, teachers and my friends and all people I have known throughout my high school life. Thanks for everything these five years have to offer.

• 15 December 2011 – Mei-Xuan’s seventeenth birthday was spent at Sunway Lagoon with Ee Wei and Siew Hui. I guess this was somewhat the best day ever in my entire year of 2011. Definitely a day remembered and also one that I vividly remember, filled with thrilling fun and memories.

• 16 December 2011 – High school prom at Sheraton Imperial Hotel, Kuala Lumpur.

• 31 December 2011 – New Year’s Eve, and also Mei-Xuan’s last day before going off for National Service. Siew Hui and I spent it with her, we went for karaoke and barbeque. Another fun day singing and laughing.

• Class of 4/5 Jati (2010/11) – I am so lucky to be with them for these two years. We are really one and it was such a harmonious class to be in. No dramas, no spices added. Somehow, I still need some extra wrapping to grasp that my high school life has actually ended but you know they say – this is only the beginning. True.

So yep, that pretty wraps my my 2011. Of course, this is not all that happened. There were many more little, funny and definitely worthy of cherishing moments. For example all the sleepovers we had in the month of August and all the cooking, movie-watching, sneaking around, and a several more treasured conversations that do not need pictures for me to reminiscent. They all remain as ever, forever remembered. As the saying goes: we do not remember days, we remember moments.

Happy New Year, y’all! God bless.